Till Death Do Us Part, So Let’s Slit Our Wrists
by Snow Sparkle
Summary: Oneshot parody on My Immortal. Crack. Nonsensical. Rated for possible brain damage and Goffikness!11oneone1 Not a lemon fic. Sorry to disappoint?


**Opening Note(s):** This fic's inspired by My Immortal, the infamous Harry Potter Fanfiction written by the equally infamous Tara M. Gilesbie (her 'M' being Meyer... although it maybe just a strange dream I had last night). The story got over 10k reviews, _srsly_, and most of them are flames. As if it wasn't lulzy enough and as if Tara had not yet learn her moral lesson, a _sick_quel was churned too, titled: My Immortal 2: Wake Me Up Inside... or was it Bring Me Back To Life...?— _Sod that! It turns out that My Immortal 2 got nothing to do with My Immortal. The author confessed he did it only for the lulz!!11oneone_

For moar info or to moar understand teh story, you can go to Encyclopedia Dramatica dot com and search for My Immortal. X3

**Disclaimer:** I am not Tachibana-san, the creator of GA. I am not Tara either. She's a legend and a goffik (gothic for normal people) and possibly the greatest troll in history. Her 'My Immortal' will remain immortal. I can never beat Tara's insanity and we can never understand her because we're sane. And sane shall we stay. So don't sue me, cause if you did I'll be goffik and slit my wrist (but only vertically so it won't cut any blood vessel) or if I can't take it, I'll just resort to crying tearz of bloodzzz.

I did this for the lulz.

So no taking this fic seriously. I admire Tachibana-san and the anime/manga. But not the Sues. X3

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Till Death Do Us Part, So Let's Slit Our Wrists  
Written by: Snow Sparkle

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Some people call her a living legend.

Some people call her living deadz.

Some prepz call her bitch.

She calls herself goffik.

I rather call her Sue.

But out of these various codenames, is a name, a name that reflected who she is. A name that is too damned long, it took me an eternity to memorize it, even if it was me who thought of that name.

Dark, sexy, sultry and beautiful. These are the main ingredients to make a perfect Sue. But I deliberately added a secret ingredient called Khemikal G (**it's khemikal goff, you twat!!1**).

Her original name was Asutea Andresthea Way but when she discovered she was a descendant of the great almighty sue named Ebony "Enoby" Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, she changed it to Aloofie "Aloof" Goffik'ness Schizophrenia Ditzy Way.

Everyone from the academy still vividly remember Alufy's first step to the school grounds.

It was a bright sunny day. Yet. Simultaneously upon her arrival the dark clouds covered the once clear blue sky, thunder and lightning warned the academy of the looming darkness. Rain began to pour.

Her strides were long because her perfect _long_ legs were long. I could not emphasize more. Her outfit was bought from her favorite shopping place, Hot Topic. Her legs were covered with fishnet stockings and her combat boots have dark flamez on it. She was wearing a black leather mini skirt and whore matching red leather jacket over her black tube. Her belly was exposed and an uber kewl skull belly button pierced her navel. Her hair was black and her face, oh my gollyness, it was the most beautiful face on hell.

She didn't have an umbrella so the rain threatened to ruin her make-up that took her eleven hours to apply. But fear not, her black lipztick and black eyeshadow and black mascara were all waterpoop. The only make-up of hers that wasn't waterpoop was her black eyeliner. But again it was okay since ruined eyeliner looked so kewl it looked liek she was crying tearz of blood!!11oneone1

Goffikness at its finest!

Everyone drools at her path.

Every boy desires her.

Every girl idolizes her.

Everyone wants to be goffik! GA now stands for Goffik Alice.

At once, Natsume broke up with Mikan coz she was a prep and hooked up with Allof. At first, Mikan hated goffs, but when she discovered Afooie has an angsty past (**she doesn't liek that everyone desires her and she wants to be uglee but boo-hoo, she can never change the fact that she's beautiful. And liek she lost her iPod to play her emo songs. BAAWWWW!!! T.T**) Mikan too turned goffik and changed her name to Samara "The Grudge" Greatvendor. She became Adolf's best friend and did all thinks sexily.

Sometimes too Alfie did some naughty thinks with Natsume.

They u-kno-wut!1 in the forbidden forrest and sometimes under the sakura three. He inserted his thingie into her u-kno-wut. They did it passively as Natsume's size was of a toothpick so there was hardly a reaction needed save for groans of frustration. Sometimes when they were not doing u-kno-wut, they slit their wrists. They die but Alie has the aweshum alice of resurrection so it was okay. They could die and visit hell whenever they want.

However, all good thinks have to end. It was then when Narumi, who turned goff too and died his yellow hair to black (**geddit?! Died instead of dyed coz it's goffik!!1**), said to Alf, "Difficult and dark times die ahead... Sparkie." It was still Ale but she was also called Sparkie (**coz I'm liek a Suethor and this is called self-insertion of u-kno-wut!1**)

Adelf was all liek, "Kewl!1"

Natsume said. "I'll go with you. I love you."

But BAAWWW!! Narumi said, "You can't Natsume it's too dangerous!"

"If Natsume can't, I will." Someone declared at it was Persona. Persona stopped raping boys because he too fell in love with Adool.

"You too can't. You're too gay for teh mission." Natsume said scathingly, obviously hasn't gotten over the fact that he too was raped by Persona.

"How dare you!" Persona flared. "I may be a sodomist but I'm also a satanist!"

"You damn fuckin' pedo!" Aloo began to shrieked and yelled at Persona. She was allowed to say that because she was a goff. Deal with it! "What do you want of me?! Want to raep me?! Why do I have to become so freaking perfect! Everyone wants to seks me!"

And so her journey continues. Her struggle because of her beauty is not yet ovah. She's in search too of her great ancestor Ebony's body so she can resurrect her... in fact there's an online petition to revive My Immortal along with its over ten-thousand reviews. I, for one, want to see Enoby walk again into Hogwartz.

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**Ending Note(s):** Of course it doesn't make sense. This is a crack fic, what would you expect? My Immortal's more lulzy though. Any _mezzpellings_ and A/N insertions are done deliberately. Even the way I spell my Sue's name differently each time is deliberate. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is a REAL Sue. She's the main character of My Immortal. XD

I have to clear that I have absolutely nothing against the goths (or goffs in Tara's case). I don't like them, yes, but I don't dislike them too. Same goes for preps (in fact I like preps more than goths)... but obviously Tara does hate them... just because she thinks she's goffik.

**Quotes taken from My Immortal:**  
(_Go figure the ones I've parodied._)

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Who MASTABATED to it!

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Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

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"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world.

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"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik)

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"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo."

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"He told me he wouldn't cum." Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me?"

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He put his spock in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

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I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak)

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"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms!

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'I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"

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I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out.

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"Tara, I see drak times are near." She said badly.

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"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. Suddenly………… I fell asleep.

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"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

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End file.
